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Monday, December 30, 2013, 10:46:00 PM
Yearly Post 2013 - The Year of Feeling Unfinished
Here we are again. Another Full Circle. Another Lap in the Marathon of Life.
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Needless to say my rare and long yearly posts has a melancholic tone to it, mainly because another year that i will never get back just passed, and like all time, moments and events, it's over before you know it. Well! not point crying over spilled milk its not like i have a lot of regrets this year haha.
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If I have to use a short expression to describe this year, i would probably use
Unfinished.
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Well it's not like i have anything i can think of that is unfinished or regrets for that matter, but it's just this feeling i can't shake off, that i should have done alot more this year, seen alot more this year, tried alot more this year. Haha. Although i did start on a few things that i'm "proud" of as well. Hokay. Lets list a few of the major events this year, for quick review.
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1. The Horrible haze at the start of the year.
2. All my favorite interns working together.
3.Went to NDP this year!
4. Went to USS for the first time? Took the f. mummy ride and hated it. lol
5. Another High Key Reservist Training.
6. BOUGHT DAMN ALOT OF STUFF. GoPro, Polaroid, Toys, Models, Iron man. Lost Count.
7. Started Keycap "business". No didnt really earn alot.
8. Europe Trip of course was the highlight of the year.
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Those were, on a lighter note, the events that happened this year. Maybe i'd just talk about my work, life and love in general.
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Work? Havn't had any overseas work or trips since i told my boss i didn't want to travel anymore. I do know i'm shutting myself out from a world of opportunities, but last years experiences just left a bad taste in my mouth to want to travel overseas anymore, as much i've seen and 'learnt' quite abit. The Merger with Ecolabs was.. a culture shock to say the least, and the challenges of workload and monotony combined with complacency to not actively want to learn new knowledge has made work a fairly dull affair. Nonetheless, I keep trying to actively remind myself to work hard and learn, least I waste my youth on doing things that don't matter.
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Life? I do think i'm learning to be more proactive to start micro ideas or projects that i have in mind. Like, laminating art pieces and photos, building models, buying things and collectibles that i really want to. Well if only i have the dexterity to finally learn how to drive.
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Love? I must admit we've quarreled alot this year, from accumulative misgivings we have about each other, the complacency after being together for so long, and sometimes the lack of effort to be considerate or thoughtful. Sometimes our really bad quarrels have left me really exasperated and thinking alot. But nonetheless i still really do believe in our relationship, even after so much quarreling, unhappiness, i still am happy and content to be with her. We really do have many differences in our future, but hey. I love her :) Just as much as i love our dog, which is before we know it, 2 years old already.
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What awaits me now in 2014? 2013 has proven to be a really tumultous year as the political climate in singapore changed with the White Paper Protest, and we see drastic enviromental changes this year with the Haze, freak weather and raising temperatures once again. As a working adult, we lose focus on the passing of time, as theres not really something fixed that we can look forward to like the school holidays or semesters end and start. With my friends all getting married or being engaged, i try not to have to conform to the pressure of being the last, but i still am looking forward to be able to start the next phase in my life..But that will take somemore working on i guess. With my financial ability and maturity i suppose.
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So! I don't think i will be able to countdown to 2014 my usual way which i really like to by watching fireworks, but doing the same thing can be a little boring every year :) Okay. To another unknown new year we gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Happy 2014 :)
Monday, December 31, 2012, 12:11:00 AM
The Year which was Suppose to be the End. 2012.
So, it took me an entire year to actually get the motivation to write a blog post. One. Full. Year. But hey, as they say, better late then never. Towards the end of each year, i felt a need to write down a blog or journal about the passings of the year. Perhaps too short in detail for events that occurred, but nonetheless serves as reminders for the future.
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Hope for the best, expect the worst. Life is a play, we're unrehearsed. A saying which i've coined more often then not when i was younger, yet practiced so little as of late. Year 2012 marked the continuity of my endeavors as a working adult, and pretty much my first plunge into overseas work. For the old me, whom abhor changes in life habits and adventures, The field work in india was a fairly large step that i've taken as an individual. I felt my contributions to the work there was fairly menial as much as I've tried to learn and immerse myself in picking up the knowledges of my trade, the displacement of usual habits and away from the ones i love was a far greater distraction to me then i have expected. The severe working conditions had too made me immensely doubtful at whether i was suitable for my job scope, but since voicing out my concerns things have taken a turn for the better as i refocus my work on more lab based projects. Oh well, with the impending merger, i guess taking things one step at a time would be a less stressful option, rather than worrying and fretting.
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Work? Work is never simple as that. I find it hard to motivate myself to strive to excel at work, being so easily contented with life as i am. I've often asked myself the past year where do i see myself at in the next 5 years, at my same job? Moving on to be a educator? I am as undecided on my future as i have been as a teen. Cindy oft chides me for still having the mindset of a adolescent, and sometimes in moments of self-realization I find it hard to disagree; that my non-chalant behavior is whilsting my younger days away when things could be tried and done. For now i do pray that epiphany will find me my life's calling in sooner days to come.
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Life in general? I've taken more flights this year than i have ever taken in my waking years. And some proved to be greater adventures than others. Aberdeen and Amsterdam touring by myself was a pretty big adventure for me, walking about myself the whole day with only myself to worry about, surrounded by much to see and much to do. I don't think i've had so much inner dialogue so much before. I did realize that i have become very conscious of what others think of me of late. To an extent that i alter my mannerisms and personality to one that i believe is more acceptable. I appear to be viewed upon so differently by my various groups of friends, that i am almost insecure on how to change or maintain the views of myself. Well, realizing that i have a problem(?) would be the 1st step in resolving the problem i suppose.
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Love? I have now but two loves in my life, Cindy, and the little life that she (without giving me ample warning) brought in ours. No not a baby duh, but our dog ebi. Since the early days in which she was still a pup, she's become quite the terror at home right now with her brash ways of interaction with people and possessive behavior haha. Pretty full grown now, she is but the focus of our devotion and love. I oft feel guilty that my dad has spent much time taking care of the dog while we date or come home late, but i am glad that my family has accepted her to be part of the family, and pampers her as much.
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As the passion of our relationship transitions to one of security and familiarity, I've inevitably encountered problems with cindy and our behaviors and mindsets about life. Some were fundamental differences on how we want to lead our lives, and remains unresolved, but still love her as much, and want to spend my life with her beside me. I do have more flaws as a boyfriend that i imagine myself to have, but i believe that (or at least want to believe that?) i am improving myself as a person, to be in a better position to care for her, that she may trust that i can provide for her till the end of days.
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So, this year, i've been to parts of the worlds i wouldn't have dreamt of seeing, Rajasthan, Ravva, Aberdeen, Amsterdam, Delden, Mumbai, Bangkok, Taipei, Rawa (again). I wonder what trials and tribulations awaits me in 2013, in overcrowded and increasing selfish world, I wish to remain righteous and just in my actions, to take less, and give more, to provide for my family and for Cindy. Towards an increasing tumultuous new world we go, in 2013.
Monday, August 22, 2011, 12:49:00 AM
-August Rush- - Its been 8 months since i've blogged, and 8 months of memories that are really precious to me anyhow are kept alive in photos and picture. Looking back, thought i'd just write down about the things i remember before i have to work tmr. - The times of transitions always poses the most difficulty. And the past 8 months have been that of a steady transition of my life. From that of a student to a working adult. Waking up early on time to go to work, change of sleeping habits of a uni student to a worker. I believe the most difficult of all is that of lifestyle, of friends that i've always surrounded myself with, and whom have always kept me going in tiresome days. - Looking at the year4s complaining about honors year now made me slightly angsty, i wonder if its fuelled by envy. Haha it probably is, it's a phase we all go through when faced with the daunting task of a year long of research. In retrospective. I didn't remember having an apprehension of going to lab, because it was an welcoming environment, and there were always friends to pass the time with or just to discuss daily events and squander our youths with. Weekly ice cream expeditions, monopoly deal sessions, corridor chats with the others. I honestly do miss it and enjoyed the company. Haha i'm still glad i gave it all during my 4th year to enjoy both school and work. - A list of random things that i remember of year 4. messy lab, lanthanides, chinese speaking, corridor chats, looking at the emission of nanoparticles. lxg scolding people, evening lectures. ice cream, fun. =] Then came the poster presentations and project update. then our last exams. Then rawa, korea, the start of work, and the grad ceremony. - But then again, the changes of time doesn't mean the end of friendship, and crystallized past always will remain beautiful without the fear of erosion. Connections are the most important thing to me, as opposed to money or status. I wonder if that will change along the years to come, when i read back on this and reflect on days past. - Hope for the best, Expect the worst, Life is a play, We're unrehearsed. Thursday, December 30, 2010, 9:45:00 PM
An Account of the year 2010
A quiet night in my room, illuminated only by my desk lamp, with old songs from my computer serenading the night away. Thats how i usually pass the night while recounting adventures of my year. - How was 2010? - It was a long year of changes, adjustments in life, and emotional turmoil? haha.. but its all part of the long journey through life i guess. - And so! a list of highlights for the year: 1. Things ended between me and shiwei. 2. Year 3 ended, with 1/2 the cohort graduating, and lectures became less bustling affairs 3. Reservist 4. Diana 5. SOW this year with the centaurs 6. Uni Studio Singapore night visit 7. Bender's place for the 2 big bbqs. 8. 1st Primary School Gathering after 14 years 9. Andrea Bocelli's Concert in the Park 10. Kite flying days at the barrage haha.. 11. NDP with the conan's 12. 2nd bintan trip 13. Honors Project 14. 1-Altitude gallery and bar just a few days ago omg really quite cool place. - Has it been a good year or a bad year? In terms of liberating experiences and new things, it has been a fantastic year. I've made so much new friends that i have not found myself lacking of good and fun company over the entire year, and i am thankful for the fantastic company and memories they have given me over the year. In terms of matters of the heart. mhm lets just say i took a step forward and 3 steps back. I still look forward to meeting the person that i'll be spending the rest of my life with though.. - I'm hopeful that things might work out between me and c. though.. if it doesn't, i'm really gonna take a break from dating and stuff. it really wears people down faster than any other human interactions in the world haha.. - I throughly enjoyed my year nonetheless, and with each memory and experiences i grow a little more into the man i'm going to be for the rest of my life. And so to 2010, Thanks for the experiences and memories, and i look foward towards 2011 for big events in my life too, since i'm graduating already. Auld Lang Syne! Monday, December 20, 2010, 1:14:00 AM
A case of closing.
-Closing chapters- - Well. another year bites the dust? - Anyway, this blog entry has been long overdue. I've been rather preoccupied with the now that i haven't had time to really look back at the things i've done this year. - My blogs has always been a very generalized overlook of my life. sparing the details.. with that being said, maybe i'd be a little different this time round. - If i had to describe this year with a word, i'd probably say, it was emotionally tiring. i think i've made some choices this year that probably have been the more difficult ones that i have had to made. I really wonder if life is testing my worth this year haha. - Right now, i really wonder if i was wrong, to have had feelings for the people that i cared about. Have i really been just skirt chasing? At the same time i allowed myself to without reservations to fall in love and care wholeheartedly, i guess it was really naivety on my part. - I really doubt if i would meet someone that would like, or love me the way i am. Haha i think i'm a mess right now. Anyway, i'd probably talk about happier things in the event summary next entry before the year ends. It has really been an eventful year. till then! Friday, November 05, 2010, 7:35:00 PM
Tuesday, September 28, 2010, 1:40:00 AM
-Another Milestone-
And so with the passing of the saturday, went along with it my sister's wedding and the start of her new wedded life. I do envy her having found someone to care for and share her life with, but i'm glad that she's happy and well cared for. - Its been awhile since i've revisited events of the past months carefully and thought about if i've lived my life worthwhile. Undeniably, it was eventful, with the starting of the honors project, the TA teaching assignments, the making of many new acquaintances through SOW and the renewal of bonds of friendship with old friends. - I've told more than a few people about how i felt about honors year, that i've made more friends in the past 6 weeks than i have in the past 3 years. For some reason i find myself being able to open up without reservations to new acquaintances and friends, and along with it bringing interesting new perceptions and laughter in my life. - My birthday this year was good, surrounded by good friends who cared and supported me with companionship. Had a really good birthday on the day itself. =] - Although.. i have this tendency to get really bogged down by matters of the heart. Well, i'm not being desperate thats for sure, as compared to my younger self in which was totally desperate. all the time. very sadly. haha.. - I spent my birthday eve with someone i really care about, but.. lets just say i'm used to loving someone without reciprocated the equal amount of affection, but its especially difficult when you're madly in love. In my opinion, i would see myself as being able to offer so more much happiness and memories into her life, but then again, one would just say that its just a phase of infatuation, The, unyielding longing of the person. - You asked me not to fall in love easy, so that i won't be hurt so much. But i'd rather unconditionally fall in love with someone, than miss the chance wondering if it could ever be have. I fall in love easy, not because i am attracted by looks instantly, that would be extremely superficial, but because i only believe in seeing the good points in people. - Its been almost a month since i've last met you. As fragile as my heart is, i'm still holding on to hope. As much as i hate how things are now, if you need prove, i hope this is as much proof as you'll need that i'm really sincere. - I really miss you so much. Monday, August 23, 2010, 1:59:00 AM
By My Side.
I can come up with a hundred reasons for you to love me, but then it would be rather self serving. - I can tell you a hundred things i like about you, but then they won't do you any justice as its you as a whole whom i like and wants to love. and a hundred things is probably not enough for me to say. - I can be there quietly waiting for my turn to make you happy, but it scares me that i'll be missing out on the days which will mean a lot to you in your life, but i can't be there. - I can listen to you talk about your day, show you concern, worry about you, wake up in the middle of the night for you, forego sleep for you, but it'd just be silly if makes you make irritated instead of making you smile. - But.. - I can't pretend that i don't think about you countless times in a day. - I can't pretend that i'm not making you troubled. - Yet I can't just walk away. - I can't pretend that it doesn't ache when i know what you mean that it isn't convenient to talk. - oh well.. life doesn't present wonderful things on a silver platter. Tuesday, July 27, 2010, 8:06:00 PM
The Wanderer and the Searcher.
Resentment? No i don't hate.. I just lament on the time we've wasted. Animosity? I don't know. for the things that i've tried to resolve and fix. What do i want? A reality check. - And here i am, as vulnerable as i can be. looking for some sort of dwelling i can call a home; within someone's heart. I've ran away, pushed my way, and stood at doors waiting to be invited in, yet i've never found a house of which i can call a permanent home. - I'm not an ornament to be placed on a ledge to be admired upon, i want to be a totem someone carry around as an anchor amidst tumultuous times, to serve as a reality check. I don't want to be waiting in line to for a turn to be someone stand in. I want to be in the priority queue for a flight of experiences. - People associate the demand for attention to the fairer sex, yet i always think, why so? Do guys not deserve the same amount of attention on them, that which they give equally or more. I'm not talking guys being provided for physically by girls, but emotionally, we too need an anchor to root them to reality, someone to call our own. - The Wanderer and the Searcher. - He who wanders seeks not a home, but drifts amongst space and time content with experiences he garners alone. - He who searches seeks not to linger aimlessly about, but longs for the warmth of a kindling fire within a heart that lightens up the dark of days. - I was ready to be a wanderer, yet you came by, ever does serendipity, I long to fill the space within, with my heart ever so open to be filled by you. - So what now? a vicious cycle of me needing someone more than someone needs me? i tire from the game.. wary of making mistakes i've repeated over and over again. With each bold statement i make, i grow afraid that i've yet pushed too far.. - Ever the hopeful waiter. - But as i've always said, Hope for the Best, Expect the Worst, Life is a play, We're Unrehearsed. Saturday, July 10, 2010, 11:46:00 PM
Tuesday, June 15, 2010, 1:14:00 AM
-10 to intelligence when talking to girls.
Is it just me or people become incredibly unsmart when they're interacting with the opposite sex which they think are interesting? Well at least for me its kinda like a very obvious behavioral change, or would i say quirk. It's kinda almost amusing even when i think about it haha. - i guess its the some mental effect, you can be really outspoken and witty when you're talking to your friends or peers in an informal atmosphere. THEN. when you have to do something really formal and your grades depends on it, the stress makes you stutter and choke on your own words. *looks at biomolecule presentation* sigh fml. - Anyway i guess people need an autopilot button sometimes. so that we can prevent ourselves from trying too hard that we end up botching things. - And about trying too hard. A recent conversation with a friend brought up the topic of our definition of trying. - "Theres a fine line between putting in effort, and plainly trying too hard" - And often people deviate too widely from the fine balance. Either trying so excessively hard that they become a nuisance, or because they do not dare to try, ending up missing out on possible doors to very different futures.. - and "tactful" was suppose to be one of my strengths. haha ohh well.. anyway guess i'll just end here kthanxbaiii Saturday, June 12, 2010, 2:12:00 AM
I'm gonna find another you.
Some try to hand me money, but they don't understand. I not broke, I'm just a broken-hearted man. - I screwed up big time this year havn't I, in most of the things that i've done, if not all the things i've done this year. I honestly, really, just want to find a fixed constant in my life amongst the torrential floods of troubles and worries in the sea of life. - I replayed in my mind a thousand times if i could have done things a different way, a better way, that wouldn't have led me to what i'm feeling now. - I managed to convince myself for the past 3 months that i'm doing fine, that i can really do this as an individual, as myself. but that was cause the exams were coming up. right now i find it hard to convince myself that things are actually really ok. - Even if i really played out a fantasy i've built in my own dreams. even if it was a sand castle in the clouds i moulded myself in self-delusions. Even if i mistook every gesture you've done and confused myself between my desires and the constraints of reality. - - - - I really, really wished, that i had been more important in your life, as much as an impact you've left on mine. I really wished that i met you in a different way, a long time ago. Thursday, May 20, 2010, 11:24:00 PM
Karma
According to Indian religions, it is a concept of actions or deeds, understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect. So, for every good deed that people perform, it builds up their karma, doesn't it? Karma is based on the ideal that life balances itself in an endless cycle of cause and effect, what comes around goes around so to speak. It is a noble philosophy of course, as wise as anything i can think of, but does it think into account, that bad things just happens to good people sometimes? That there is no karmic balance for some, that life is just outright unfair to some? Of course i can't compare myself to anybody my age across the world. but yeah, life is a bitch. then you die. haha emo schemo. Tuesday, April 06, 2010, 7:54:00 PM
As i stood there.
As i stood there, I thought of the times we've talked about things. - As i stood there, I look at your face, wondering to myself as i age and grow old, will i ever regret what i've done. I felt my heart hurt. - As i stood there, I thought about the times i've made you upset, and the countless no. of times i wished you were there. - As i stood there, I tried remembering how it was like before, things have changed too differently for too long for me to recall how things were totally different before. - As i stood there, I thought of how unfair its been to you, of my incessant demands. and i thought of how i've tried to compromise to you, as i change my bad habits and behavior. - As i stood there, I thought of how i expected the future to be. This wasn't part of the plan. - I've tried. we've tried. you've tried. but i'm just tired of how we're just not getting along anymore. - I'm an asshole, i probably am, but i realise that theres no point in dragging on anymore. - As i stood there. Wednesday, March 31, 2010, 12:43:00 AM
I can't decide on which bothers me more. - That i have nobody to tell how i feel, - Or that nobody will understand how i feel even if i told them about it.. Sunday, March 21, 2010, 10:57:00 AM
Tuesday, March 09, 2010, 12:42:00 AM
Man-o-pause
I've been in a pretty foul mood of late, this gripping irritation in my heart that i wanna vent out but apparently i've been doing it in pretty bad ways. This is so irritating. Then again if the entire world irritates you, then its probably really a problem with yourself, isn't it? I'm hoping its just the weather thats the record driest for a 100 years thats getting me down. ..... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - ahem. Thursday, February 25, 2010, 11:55:00 PM
A new skin, a new start-
the last time i changed my blogskin was.. 3 years ago? or more.. perhaps. i guess everyone needs a change of pace now and then here and there too. - Aren't we all just helpless in the matters of the heart? And at times of these your emotions just hinders you from making any sound judgement in all aspects of life, its like your entire life just stands still. Not moving while all falls upon you to make a decision regarding your own feelings. - So then, what would you choose? or was there even a choice in the beginning? was it just a fleeting illusion, a dream that endless people have gotten lost before within the maze of endless predictions and make believe? - We all love, we all lose things along the way, yet the most irreplaceable thing we lose in that journey, is time. Times that could have been different, others that you could have met, things that you would have found out. - Someone asked me if its becoming a trend about how i'm feeling, i fervently defended myself, refusing to believe that what was said about me is true. Yet thinking to myself, i resign, knowing that it has more than becoming a vicious cycle that i repeat every now and then. - Honestly what am i doing, being so divided inside. its ripping me apart, all those thoughts, all those, what if and perhaps, about the future. What about the now? what of the past? Each image flashing in my mind speak of riddles that i can't find answers to. - I'm so tired of entertaining thoughts, yet subconsciously i think i'm deliberately making myself feel awful. - But i'm not lamenting and wallowing in self pity. i think? i guess time will tell in just awhile. - Don't we all just hope for the best, expect the worst, life is a play, we're unrehearsed? Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 12:08:00 AM
-What of Choices and of Faith- - When we were younger, life present us less paths to tread upon, straight, perhaps simple paths. There are only the things we have do, things we percieve as right and wrong. A simpleton's life buffered and sheltered by the complexities of the outside world. - Now older, and exchanging maturity as an asset as compared to boundless youth, things we percieve doesn't seem so simple anymore. The paths not present to us before opens up in front of our eyes, yet those paths as endless as they might be are winding and confusing, each leading down a different rabbit hole. Sooner or later, we'll find ourselves in many different worlds should we choose different at each junction of life. - If a measure of a man are made of his choices in life, then how shall i be judged of mine? Of those choices, which are for others, which are for myself, which are for the better or worst or which are those that will utterly hurt someone? I think i like life better when theres less choices, while hope is the driving force of salvation, the hopeful are but less contented with what they have and conceited with obtaining what they can't have. - Well, i'm already a quarter of a century old this year, and looking at a few of my friends that's already married or engaged, i actually long for such stability and a fixed point in my life. I wonder if i'm over emphasizing on relationships in my life, or do others around me have the same thoughts too. oh well. Hope for the best, expect the worst, life is a play, we're unrehearsed. Monday, January 04, 2010, 1:13:00 AM
-Amidst the Confusion and the Blinding brightness- - Down in a local bar, out on the boulevard, the sound of an old guitar is saving you.. - Welll. for some weird reason i woke up with the burning urge to go out and run in the morning which i did. and while running it crossed my mind about what people think about when they run, if they really do think about anything at all that is. People say that whats important is the journey and not the destination. soooooo. if throughout the journey your mind is blank, whats waiting at the destination? ohh nevermind i'm taking this too literally. Bored people seldom make sense. Thus the word ramblings. - Like i've mention before to myself, there are 2 (make that 3) kinds of people in world of social interaction. 1. The type that doesn't interest you sadly for all the fact that in other situations they can be the bestest of friends. - 2. The type that interests you for awhile, after of which the novelty of unshrouding the mystery that is a new found acquaintence's character and personality wears off. You could talk about everything in the world in the beginning, yet after which you just run out of topics to talk about and eventually perhaps not talk at all. Well i've seen far too much of this occurance over the expense of my pretty short life. - 3. Finally the 3rd time would be the type that intrigues and captivates you profoundly in ways that we can't put to words, and theres just this hidden drive in you to keep wanting to know more about that person, and to be part of his/her world. This feeling of specially paying attention to his/her actions, to notice her small gestures here and there. - Well a random guess would be that for an average person, the people from type 1 and 2 will represent the majority of the people we would meet in our lives, and those of the 3rd type would form the minority. I suppose anybody would and should be flattered if we belong to the 3rd type. but admidst the changes in social interaction, and the diminishing interest of the younger generation these days for things new and different, i suppose a lesser percentage of people are being categorized as those in type 3? Not to mention people's fascination with themselves with self idolization.. - Haha maybe i'm being a little too morbid. All i'm saying is.. don't we all have someone we're just uniquely interested in, and likewise wish that we are interesting to others? Thursday, December 31, 2009, 2:52:00 AM
- The end of 2009- - Admist major global changes all around the world, i sit down and ponder at 3.08am in the morning (rather unearthly hour to do pondering i know), about the small changes about me in my life. - I always was fascinated in the speed of which time travels so surreally fast, if theres even such a word called surreally. haha. An entire year, with 2 semester worth of experiences and happenings in which i've gone through. I wonder if its old age or whatever, but i realise that at the end of a year and when i look back, i realised that i've actually forgot about events that occurred earlier in the year. much like chinglings wedding, and all the major events in life just seem to slip my mind that it ever even occurred. Or perhaps it's just the eventfulness of the year in which there are too many things that happened to commit to memory well. haha. - Well 2009 is what i think will be the last of years before a major turning point occurs in my life in particular, with the end of my uni education coming up very soon, a major shift in lifestyle is set to happen in the near future where after 24 years of education i may have to start working soon. I guess the notion scares me pretty profoundly as i realise that work is really so much more horrible than studying. yet after all the times that we all lament that studying is so sian, the unescapable truth still presents itself. That working drains you of life, work causes a rift between the number of friends in which you can share you life with. hahaha morbid.............. ¬.¬ - As always, the change of a year, the repeating of the months in an endless cycle presents itself as a convinient simultanous end of chapter of life in which each human individual can relate to. My views on 2009? It was yet another year of discovery for me, of new found friends and of myself. - In general, it's been a great year with little upsets in my life, yet small changes have occurred worldwide that calls for joyous celebration or rekindled faith in humanity. I begin to fear more often of the future in which our climate is so harsh where clear blue skies might be a thing of the past. So heres a hoping and prayer that humanity would push past senseless bickering, and past their flawed selfish existance that there are so much more to life, than paparazzi news, than gossip and senseless behavior of so called stars. - Well, heres to you mate, happy 2010, lets hope its a good/better un' in the days to come =] Sunday, December 20, 2009, 11:23:00 AM
The end of year blog 2009~
The Annual end of year review - And so the end of another year is approaching rapidly, and its the last weekend before christmas already. haha i find it rather true what i heard from my friend recently, that after your 21st birthday, the following years in which you live just flashes across your eyes before you can even know it. - Well this year has been yet another long though, with me barely remembering what happened at the start of the year. a sign of old age perhaps? maybe i'll start up with a list again of the things that i can remember. - 1. A First Primary School Gathering after what 12 years? 2. Going back to nan chiau high school grounds to take pictures, haha that was quite an adventure having to climb the fence over in 3. CMCC BBQ, that was pretty interesting i must say haha 4. SOW 09 of course who could missed that 5. Ching Ling's wedding 6. Bintan 09' which of course just happened this week - Well 2009, is yet another year of many firsts and changes. But all in all the nature of humanity still remains changed, selflessness in a few yet selfishness in most are still the way that it is and has been. The weather and environment is becoming increasingly unpredictable, yet inaction still finds itself present, even in such obvious times of dire needs. ohh well. - Haha abit lost my drive to write, maybe its the afternoon feeling. continue on next time~ Thursday, November 12, 2009, 12:51:00 AM
Merciless time
-Merciless Time- - Just today on my usual short walk home i was just wondering about how things was going pretty fast, with the 5 semster coming to a close. I've always been fascinated by the progression of time, and how easily it slips us by in a blink of an eye. - Just then an elderly man caught my sight walking in front of me, with a obvious limp and holding on to a metal frame crutch, slowly walking down a stretch of road. I kind of figured out that he was heading to this very old hdb estate which would probably take me 10 mins or so with the road crossing and stuff to reach. at his limping speed, god knows how long it'll take for him to reach the place. It was at this point of time i was reminded again how merciless time really is to us, to all human beings. - I slowly walked behind him as i pondered how i could help him, but i realised that i couldn't at all. If he was carrying groceries or whats not, i'd gladly carry it for him all the way. But he was just alone, pacing slowly down a quiet amber shaded road in the evening. I did notice that he had old smeared tattoos on his hands and his legs, signalling a perhaps tumultous past that time forgot. As i walked past him to my block, I glanced at him. Deep patterns of wrinkles etched his face, and his eyes, staring blankly forward almost empty of emotions left me a last impression. - For me, it was not hard to imagine at all how i would someday age beyond a point that i'll can recognise myself in the mirror anymore. I rather think although about the life i have now, and how at this point of time, i've already reached 24, yet not have a well defined goal and purpose in life. My memories of the past is slowly washed away by the waves of time, and i barely have any impression of the person i was before. - Looking backwards in reflection and looking forward in hope has always been something i spend lengths of my time to do, yet i so often and easily lose sight of the destination that i am walking towards. I've always been envious of people whom are goal-orientated, seemingly always spirited in their footsteps to achieve those goals. - Today's events made me remember about my grandfather too, whom i've never really had the chance to know more about. The tolls of time are always harsh and unyielding, yet it is a mere price to pay for those with a destination they have in mind. Well, always cherish those around you, and sometimes just sit to really reflect on your actions in life. Glance at the past like a film without sound playing in your mind, look around the present which presents you an endless amount of destinations, then look to the future, with a smile on your face. =] - Who knows what mysteries tommorrow might bring, we just hope for the best, expect the worst, life is a play, we're unrehearsed. Monday, October 26, 2009, 12:59:00 AM
The fulfillment of life
The Fulfillment of life - Oh well, 1st sem of year 3 is more than half completed, and everything looks pretty fine and dandy as of now. Works managing still ok, etc etc. Though once again i find detached from the social life kinda aspect. what to do when the only friend you hang out with is your girlfriend for your entire uni life. ok my junior kakis. hahaha. - The thing about being in year 3 is that the working life seems pretty close now, and i keep facing the question if i'm going to be able to go on to honors. With my happy-go-lucky nature I don't think i'm that suitable for an final year project in which so much research and effort necessary to produce results. Ohh well, once again the main road in life which i've been travelling down branches off into so many paths in which i can follow, each spelling a much different journey into the future. - I must admit that i havn't been really sociable, or perhaps people find me mildly morbid or stern. That aspect of my character baffles me at times to. I go from quiet stern to hyper active in matter of hours, in front of different crowds. Is being bi-polar weird these days? - Its funny how my life still seems to be stuck at a stage of conflict as defined by eric erikson, where a young adult or adolescent struggles in finding his own identity, at the rest of identity confusion if unresolved. At times I pretty much get so lost with myself that i become mildy unpleasant, and thats the last of things that i want. Haha god knows how much the opinion of others of myself matters to me. - Havn't really done any other physical activities on weekends besides stoning in front of the computer for the entire semester. I feel my entire social life crumbling around me in ashes and brimstone. haha woe woe woe.. - Oh well, exams coming in barely a month, and the end of the year coming up right around the corner. Its amazing how people can lose track of the progression of time in a year and the end just creeps up on you. Oh well, christmas and the end of the year has always been my favorite time anyway. yay? - Hope for the best, Expect the Worst, Life is a Play, We're Unrehearsed. Sunday, August 16, 2009, 1:45:00 AM
All that we're searching for
All that we're searching for - All the things that we do, all those silly and impecable things that we do, i guess we're all just looking for attention aren't we? haha.. - Well, schools started, and things are as ordered and mundane as i see them to be~ - I must say that something within me snapped last week, and the way that i see things now are really rather different than how i usually would. Call it a paradigm shift? haha i always loved that word, sounds really cool doesn't it. - I guess the thought of the week was a question that was at the back of my mind for awhile. here goes, In the face of the infidescimally large world that we live in, how would we know who is the one that we would spend the rest of our lives with? Presented with an almost infinite number of possibilities, how do anybody actually decide? - Fate? Destiny? Blind Passion or just that gut feeling we have? I find the prospects of a life that cannot be reversed increasingly frightening, especially when im nearing the end of the prime of youth.. - I feel like i'm losing out in the social aspects of my life, you know, the feeling that you feel detached from communicating with anybody, or enjoying going out. - Half a month more to my birthday! Well my birthday last year was rather dull.. for once i just feel like being lavished in the company of friends and loved ones, to be the centre of attention for awhile. Wonder if anybody would do anything, haha its rather embarassing to think about it, the mounting desperation and hope for something fun and memorable. Haha! Friday, July 10, 2009, 1:45:00 AM
What men are made of.
What men are made of - It was said that women are made from the ribs of men in the past, and as such i interpret it that men have a god given duty to take care of women. But yet i feel so helpless at any given day.. - I asked myself this question tonight, why are men not socially allowed to cry as much as women? I've never been tough, even though i always tried to be in front of others. I've always been strong when it comes to protecting the interest of others, but i always feel so weak when it comes to matters of the heart. - I really want to throw a tantrum, scream and shout, but i guess i'm getting quite good at putting a front now. Logically, i rationalize that its really nobody's fault, but i really cannot explain how much it really upsets me when something i'm looking forward to becomes another imaginative event that will never happen. - Friday, July 03, 2009, 12:37:00 AM
The value of human emotions
The value of human emotions - I've lived to 24 so far, and yet to me i've felt like i've seen, experienced, and perhaps understood more than what most people have at my age. - I've seen the lure and temptations that beseech the human's inner self of desire, beneath the facades of pretty words and actions. I've experienced myself succumb to despair and selfishness when life throws me in unforseen circumstances. I've found myself in occassions more than once looking back over my shoulder at the path which i've took, only to find a trail of events encased in memories by time. I ask myself tonight once more as i always have, have i given all that i had to give for the ones i care about, or was i selfishly trying to mould them into a more suitable fashion in which i fancy. - The true meaning of a relationship? companionship, the desire for ones another existence near ourselves. Above all the want of a person to play a major and big part of the other parties life, to really matter, and to feel mattered. A personal opinion it may be, but i've never felt that there should be a difference between the male or the female gender in which to treat a relationship. Both gender would have to give an equal amount of effort to maintain a relationship, as hard as it is now to do, with the complexity of the society's endless webs of intrigue.. - Yet effort exists in different forms, be it physical or psychological. The physical aspect being to trying to be there for every occasion in which the other party needs, or just wanting to be there with the person you love. Psychological? To have the things daily you do entwined with thoughts of your partner, the want to let her know about small funny little things, to wonder about whats she doing every now and then. I guess nobody would really stop to think about what it means to be in a relationship much often, its something close to the heart they people often neglect or ignore. Taken for granted, efforts wither with time.. - To feel loved? To feel mattered, to feel that your tiny little existance is noticed by someone. To feel that if you've disappeared even for the shortest of time period, someone would notice and immediately be worried for you. To have someone wanting to share with you about the smallest things in life that happened to them. - I personally feel that the balance between giving and taking is impossible to achieve, as life occurs too fast for most of us to really reflect upon our actions every so now and then. - I reflect upon my actions over the years tonight, and i don't deny, i have issues with human interaction. I am intrinsically judgemental and looks down on people unknowingly sometimes, believing in myself to be above those that are flawed. Yet i do not see that not everyone is perfect, and virtues are exhibited in substitution to those flaws. - I look back on the relationships i've had till now, and i look upon it as failures on my part in fulfilling my role as a boyfriend. I've been selfish, emotional, and above all being unable to provide any sense of security to those that i love. But i lie not when i said i've truly placed my entire heart into a relationship without any reservations. - But with every year that i age, i try to learn a little, to put things bad behind me, to at least try to understand my flaws. They weigh so heavily on me sometimes that i feel so alone in a sphere of darkness. - I value love about anything in my life, and nothing can hurt me more but from the ones i love. I love so deeply that i would give in to anything to stop a quarrel, yet it seems always not enough. I've often wonder if we're really suitable for each other, but before i really want to find an answer to it i stop thinking about it, because i love her so much that no matter what i want to be with her. It hurts me so profoundly that it feels so real that she doesn't understand that i am but flesh and blood too. i can only give that much without feeling empty inside, and nothing makes me happier when i feel that i am a part of her life too. I've never stopped feeling so pained that i am always less important than the work that she has. - I've asked countless times if she loved me, more than i can bring myself to, and more than i want to. Most of the time, she wouldn't reply. The pain is so deep whenever i try to convince myself of reasons, to try to understand her, tears more often than not wells up. - I understand her, that's why i know. she really doesn't love me anymore. I understand the truth earlier than she has, and it pains me now to look forward at the path that i shall be walking. Sunday, June 14, 2009, 10:55:00 PM
Quiet alcholism in a sleepless night.
-Quiet alcholism in a restless night- - I often wonder what goes through the mind of people as they drink alcohol, do most of the people who drink do it among friends and laughters? Or within their quiet rooms, taking in the bittersweetness of the liquid going down the throat. I wonder if people after frowning upon downing the drink, will even know why are they drinking in the first place. As a form of escape? a form of self torture? Or perhaps they are searching a way to escape into dreams. - Well, its the holidays again, and being typically me i'm just floating around without a purpose or aim throughout this 3 months. Well i do still wanna go rawa but it seems like nobody's interested, haha oh well.. just wanna go somewhere different and explore the beach and coastlines where theres pristine waters. - I'm still thinking about it whether to do urops, given my attention span and intellect, i'm afraid of not being able to cope with it. And since its on a first come first serve basis, i better be quick about it. - I did a rather impromptu trip back to nan chiau to take some shoots of the place, but i didnt really had time to sink into the fact that i was there, was busy just shooting around actually. one thing that i did notice was that i'm much taller than i used to be, and things sure looks different from my height now. But the thing is that, besides vague memories of things i did during that time, i cant think of really happy memories there. haha another addition to the list of "wwp's unhappy/unsatisfying childhood memories" i suppose. - bah, thats all for the night, wanna run tmr morning. Thursday, April 16, 2009, 10:32:00 PM
Last One
Blog #7 - Well its pretty fast how things go, and here we are at the end of the semester. - All in all much was done during the lessons we've had, presentations, survey reports, cover letters etc etc. - So, has my understanding of the value of effective communication changed? Well, not exactly changed, but i felt that what i've learnt from the lessons has broadened my knowledge on the aspects of effective communication, in addition to my prior experience regarding interacting with people. - I myself believe that one of the key points of interaction is awareness. Awareness of the situation, of the culture, of the behavior i should be portraying. By being aware, we are able to change our tone or our way of interaction, so that, as the module title suggests, we can be "effective" communicators. - For me, i guess the key take away from the module is how to phrase myself tactfully and carefully when crafting writting letters or reports. Being one of the "younger" generations, i believe that my key problem is how to be flexible in my structuring of words to make it polite and non-offensive. - Another main thing i've learnt from the module is that during a presentation, things don't always goes the way you plan them to be! Even though we can practise for a presentation numerous times, the actual presentation would not go as planned, probably due to the sudden stage fright in front of the crowd. How do we cure this? more practise in front of an audience! =] - At the end of the day, i've had fun and learnt alot during the lessons, and the interactions i've had during the class would definitely stick with me in days to come, and here i end off with a quote: "Hope for the best, Expect the Worst, Life is a Play, We're Unrehearsed" Cheers! Monday, March 23, 2009, 12:57:00 PM
Blog post #6 Biodata
Blog#6 Biodata Woei Perng is an undergraduate currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in Science (Chemistry) at the National University of Singapore (NUS). As a polytechnic graduate with an Chemical Engineering Diploma from Singapore Polytechnic, he strives hard in achieving satisfactory academic performance amongst an competitive environment, while not forgetting the considerable laboratory experience he obtained in his earlier years of study, complementing his abilities in understanding the vast discipline of chemistry. - While being a avid sportsman in archery during his free time, he derives great pleasure from helping others to develop further, and his passion in the sport has seen him returning to his alma mata years after graduating to nurture younger generations of enthusiast in the sports club. - As an individual, he sees it in himself to help others at times of trouble. Through his experience as an officer during national service, he finds it important to always seek an understanding of both sides of the coin, before deciding on the best course of action. - He finds great solace in the saying, "Hope for the best, Expect the worst, Life is play, We're unrehearsed." Wednesday, March 18, 2009, 11:22:00 PM
The lack of proper public speaking skills of singapore's youth these days? A cultural shortcoming? or a lack of proper education channels? - Well my topic is rather vague for this post, but seeing it as a rather common occurence in my everyday life i find it a rather interesting notion. - I first begin off with this question, among your peers, or the people you know, how many do not actually stutter, or are able to convey their messages accurately, when speaking to a large group of people? Well to be honest, for me, i'd have to say actually most of my friends are not that good at public speaking, nor are they really able to talk to a large crowd. - Well giving an example, a lecturer of mine actually encourages students presenting the solutions to rather complicated questions, and out of the numerous who volunteered, only a handful were able to explain how they came about answering the solution. The rest? They haphazardly breezes through pages of mathematical calculations, often mumbling to themselves, and are not able to fully explain themselves when asked questions. - While of course not everyone have the quality of a teacher or born to be a public speaker, but i feel that singaporeans generally shun or are unable to represent themselves in front of many others. - I guess another commonly observed trait is that we on the whole often keep opinions or questions to ourselves. Another example would be when students are asked questions, they either would feint ignorance, or simply saying that they don't know the answer. - For me, i believe that this "traits" is due to a combination of both the cultural aspect of asians, a rather lack of developement in youth education. For chinese at least, we are more reserved in expressing ourselves, as compared to other cultures who are open and chatty. Also, from my experience of my younger years of education, it was a rather "spoon fed" sort of learning, where the teacher would teach, while it is our duty to listen attentively. I suppose a discussion based type of teaching on a regular basis would actually promote students to be more open to dicussing things in the open, not keeping to themselves. - What do you think? Do you think singaporean youths these days are also lacking the ability to express themselves in public? =] - Cheers! P.S. hope what i typed wasn't too abstract hehe. Thursday, March 05, 2009, 9:05:00 PM
Evaluating Intercultural Behavior (Post #4)
Evaluating Intercultural Behavior (Post #4) - Sorry for the late post guys! Been busy with mid-term tests =] - Anyway for this topic I have decided to share a real life occurrence that was in turned shared with me in a similar communication class that I had when I was in Singapore Polytechnic. - The event was told by my then lecturer, and it happened in the polytechnic’s office of languages. It was a central office for the language department and therefore, various groups of foreign language lecturers of different nationalities were housed there, for example, Thai and Japanese. - The story goes that there was this new Japanese language lecturer in the office. One day, an American lecturer saw her using the photocopier and decided to go forward to chat and get to know his new colleague. However, while initiating the conversation, he stood at a very close proximity to her, and talked at a rather loud volume, which took the rather small framed Japanese lady by surprise. As such, she took a step back, appearing rather uncomfortable. The American lecturer, not noticing her distress and discomfort, took another step forward while still continuing his conversation with her, and the Japanese lady similarly tried to move away from him (this forward and backwards movement continued for a few steps). And all the while, the whole episode was observed by my lecturer with some amusement. - Well basically the observed incident presents a contrasting comparison of the difference in cultural norms in the western and eastern cultures. From an Asian point of view, when meeting a new acquaintance, we tend to be much more polite, and maintain a further distance when communicating or interacting. However, as a general trend, westerners tend to be more warm and friendly, as such, social norms of Asians such as maintaining a distance as a form of respect for a new acquaintance is not observed by them, as they see that being open and friendly is a social norm to welcome a new member to the group. - All in all, the American lecturer was not exactly wrong in his gesture of chatting with the new Japanese lecturer, as he was trying to welcome her to the department, however he should have practised cultural self-awareness. If he knew the social norm of the Japanese, which was to maintain a distance while communicating with acquaintances, the female lecturer would not have been put in a rather awkward and uncomfortable situation. He should have been more aware and noticed that the Japanese lecturer was rather uncomfortable with his close proximity, thus discontinuing his advance. =] - Hope something awkward like this won't ever happen to any of us =] - Cheers! Sunday, February 15, 2009, 3:16:00 PM
Business Correspondence Critique (Post #3)
To begin off, I first include the email in its unedited form. The email is a request for research volunteers that was sent thru the NUS webmail. -----Original Message-----
My analysis of the letter: The letter in general is observed to be concrete, courteous, complete, clear, and concise. While the subject title of "Research volunteers required" could be better refined to include what is the research project for easier reading, the content of the email clearly explains what the research program is about, while explaining and listing out the facts and needs required in a positive and passive tone. The email was also concrete, specifying in details the datelines, time span, and specific requirements that the research volunteer will have to do. I felt that the email was crafted in a concise and clear manner, dividing the paragraphs efficiently into the introduction of the project, what the project requires volunteers to do, and clear instructions on how to apply for the interview. I can only notice slight punctuation errors in the email, such as spacing's in the opening and the ending (Dear Students,*space* and Best Regards, *space*). Another slight error is that in the last paragraph, "Short-listed applicants would be invited ~~", it would seem more grammatically correct to phrase it "short-listed applicants will be invited". In conclusion, I felt that the letter was rather well written. It stated the necessary details that the prospective participant would be concerned about and needs to know, while maintaining a positive and inviting tone to the reader. Its clear instructions and details would almost definitely attract students to sign up immediately. Cheers! Saturday, January 31, 2009, 4:50:00 PM
Resolving Interpersonal Conflict (Post #2)
ES2007S Post #2 Resolving Interpersonal Conflict - For the choice of an interpersonal conflict situation, I selected a real situation that happened to me while fulfilling my duties during my army stint. - There was a period of time where my superior and fellow officers were away for a course for a few weeks, thus before leaving he left me in charge of the administrative and training matters of the men to me. Including me, there was another officer of which was of equal rank who was to assist me in the planning and carrying out various tasks. - At the beginning, we had an agreement that it would be more uniform for only one person to make the decisions regarding the arrangement of the training schedule, thus it was decided that i would do the planning, while he would oversee and conduct the training itself. - However, after a short amount of time, conflicts arosed. I was more of a strict and routine person, therefore i put it upon myself to be available in the office during office hours, while he was more of a carefree person. For most part of the day he would not be available in the office unless contacted to do so. As such, planning for the activities weeks in advance including of manpower management left me very much occupied and exhuasted, while he was nowhere to be seen. - After awhile, I saw him as a not very dependable person, and being not close with him and partly due to my character, i did not seek his help or asked him for his opinion, as it would take the extra effort to contact him and ask him to discuss with me. Therefore weeks went by without much interaction with him besides informing him briefly of the upcoming trainings, often in a not-too-pleasant tone, while he would accept the information nonchalantly. - The misunderstandings continued until my fellow officers came back from the course, and through mediation and talking things through did we resolve the conflict. - The question now : What was going through the minds of both me and my colleague, and how did we percieved each others actions in our point of view? What could have been done by either of us to resolve the conflict earlier? Instead of waiting for my peers to meditate and help in ironing out the issues. Sunday, January 25, 2009, 4:05:00 PM
ES2007S Blog Post #1
ES2007S Effective Communication Skills Post #1 - Well, given my lazy nature, instead of creating a new blog i opted to post it in my old blog.. haha sorry if the format isn't very conducive to reading. Anyway here goes. - Why developing effective communication skills is important to me? - I believe the importance not only applies to certain individuals, but its importance is often overlooked by the general human population. While being individualistic creatures, there comes not a single day or occassion that the average person has to communicate in one fashion or another, be it in a formal or informal setting. With that being said, countless times and again was productivity in the work setting or, in general, misunderstandings between people caused by ineffective communication skills. - In my perception, i feel as if most singaporeans aren't verbal or are able to express themselves coherently, be it due to the asian "culture" of being reserved, or it could be due to the format of the education system that leaves them with a lack of communicating skills. As such, i see myself as one of those that i have afore mentioned. Be it due to my slurring or mumbling when trying to speak as a matter of habit, or my passive listening and lack of pro-activity to seek clarifications. In more than one occassions i found myself in awkward situations or found that i was being counter-productive due to my lack in inter-personal skills, of which i seek to improve. - While being students and not yet fully stepping into the working society, Misundestandings in our social lives comparatively has less of a long and severe impact as compared to those caused during our work in which money or reputation is involved. Therefore, i guess nobody would want to learn things the hard way when we can develop them in a more pleasant atmosphere early. - With all that being said, i do have hopes that picking up communication skills, or the least, understanding them would improve the quality of my life. Nobody can turn away from the single fact that we are but one person out of a sea of faces, and being able to communicate well within society would make us stand out and be noticeable, in words, or in deeds. =] Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 9:34:00 PM
2008 Year in Review Part 2
2008 Year in Review Part 2 - Well.. it's the 2nd last day of the year 2008 already. - I must say the feeling of passing of another is one of rather melancholic overtures, inherently although from its just a day different from dec 31st to jan 1st, but its the closing and leaving of the past many many days of 2008 to welcome a new cycle of life's ending chapter. - If rather than being specific, i'd be rather general, 2008, well, was a year of much change. the economic downturn, the many social changes around the world.. but to me. well. it's just been a really long year, so much things happened that i can remember them all exactly. - Well although the christmas decoration this year was rather.. plain and boring... haha i didn't take any photos this year.. nothing much to take haha.. well but change is noticable around singapore.. shopping centres in orchard that held childhood memories got torn down.. like john little building, and the opposite emerald green shopping centre.. and the new about to be launched shopping centre opposite bugis junction. - Although its been long, its been. a rather good year.. most things went rather smoothly.. well most things at least.. - I look forward to the new year knowing that i had a good year and hopeful of the new things =] - Sunday, December 21, 2008, 1:20:00 AM
End of Year Summary 1
End of year feelings Part 1: - Well, another years drawing to a close hurh, thought i might as well start writing my blog again.. - Pretty much the amount of experince this year was plentiful. 2 semester holidays, helping out at orientation camp, worked at adidas, did i have a lan party last holiday? cant remember.. haha did a couple of meet up with friends.. finding them transversing through life as an adult earlier than me is a wake up call for me to start living my age.. 23 is.. well. to be honest. quite a age calling for a sense of maturity. - Well the year was a pretty fruitful one.. as mentioned many things happened.. i'll prolly try to make a summary.. - 1. Relationship scuffles.. 2. Rawa trip finally after what, 3 and a 1/2 years? 3. Working at Adidas twice. 4. SOW' 08 5. Finally started year 2 Nus? 6. Dad retired. 7. Starting playing tf2 which is ruining my life a little 8. tried eve online which was quite fun for a period of time. 9. Went on the singapore flyer.. cycled to marina barrage. 10. F1 1st time in singapore. - Thats all i can think about for now.. haha prolly i'll add more next update.. - Life has been pretty mundane recently.. Yet again i've fallen into the vicious loop of self discovery that i havn't been doing anything conducive or paying attention to things that is happeneing around me.. wonderful things has been happening around me so fast that i cant grasp it long enough to remember the feeling.. - Mom came back with a book from jimmy.. haha well, as like his series, it was talking about love. There was a quote held some truth to it.. "When someone knows all about the game of love, they find themselves unable to love or give their affection fully and totally without reserve" - Well in terms of that, 2008 hasn't been a smooth sailing one.. things happened that make me doubt my capacity of being able to care for anybody at all. Often i find myself doubting myself to a certain extent.. - Well in the matter of recent events.. Rawa was a totally enjoyable trip. the company was pretty fun and complication-less bunch.. making the trip all the more pleasant. I find myself wanting to again, perhaps with the same company or more people.. to be honest i thought 245$ was a pretty cheap package for the fun and experience i've had there.. - I find myself still facing difficulties in finding people who understand me in my uni social circle.. somehow, i feel detached from the people in which i study together with, like beyond who they see me as, i lead a life that they can't comprehend, nor is my lifestyle appealing to them. well. of course, not that im an attention seeker, but even to the most solitary people, they still find solace in knowing people who understand them the least bits. - WELL. life is at it is, and things happen for reasons uncomprehensible to us =]. i guess i'll leave it here for the time being. - Hope for the best, Expect the worst, Life is a play, we're all Unrehearsed. Thursday, October 23, 2008, 1:34:00 AM
Emofied
Been quite awhile since i've done this at all. huh. - No titles.. no special occasion.. just. life unfolding itself.. - Well it's already the 11th week of year 2 sem 1, and its not been a really good one.. feel as if i'm studying with much less vigor or enthusiasm as last sem.. can't really find the drive to keep going though.. just.. tired from things.. - No time to think about the future, no time to think about things i usually think about.. just day in day out to school back home.. the usual cycle.. - Havn't much time to connect to people besides those i usually see around. i feel rather detached from my usual social circle and life actually.. not like i had much that i could call close in the 1st place.. - Pretty much a void kind of feeling down inside, not knowing what i'm doing this semester.. - Well one thing for sure is that i should really stop having my meals alone is school, haha pretty much a weird emo feeling. Not that its extreme detest or anything just a weird kinda feeling hah.. - Well its just 2 more months to christmas, awfully fast hurh, all the happenings in the world.. well its true that much has been happening around though, another financial crisis.. everywheres in a slum these days.. - I better get my act together for the coming revision month.. Much to complete and catch up i guess. - Hope for the best, expect the worst, life is a play, we're unrehearsed. Thursday, July 10, 2008, 8:15:00 PM
Life Happened.
Life Happened - Its been 2 months since my last post hurh. - Things happened.. I finished first year of university, i got all Bs for the semester results, i bummed around the whole of the holidays, worked for adidas.. well, that sums up 2 months.. - Music inspires, leaving behind a legacy of those who created it. Came across a saying at the national library which goes smth like this. "the meaning of life is the things we do that will outlast our life itself" - What have you done today? - Sit infront of the tv, watched another serial or movie, played another game..? - Met up with collin last sunday with the rest of the peeps, well.. lets just say he moved on into the adult world faster that i have. i admire him for knowing what he wants to achieve in life beyond the books which we study.. as far as it seems to me, he succeeded in moving on, where as i never left the spot when i was standing since poly.. - And so my graphic card fails to work/function. guess its a sign that i should be doing smth more conducive, although the sign could have been more subtle and less of a trouble. - Suddenly remembered murphy's law, whatever can go wrong will go wrong.. sigh.. - And i'm down with sickness for a week or so know, just keeps coming on and off, quite irritating to say the least, if not tiring and sian. - I hope i can change my graphic card on the spot, waiting for it to repair is so going to be fug irritating, not to mention the worst case scenario where i have to change a gpu. sigh..... not enough money already.. ARHAHRAHRAHRAHR Saturday, May 10, 2008, 9:30:00 PM
The disability to see the present, only to see the past.
The disablility to see the present, only the past.. - Has this occurred to anybody else? that is.. not being to recognise today's events, only being able to realise it when it has become the past.. nope not emo talk.. just.. epiphany of sorts i guess. - i wonder how many times in life do we have to lose heart in the things we do are the person we've become. then again life's purpose was never easy to comprehend.. - i found out that i've been talking rhetoreically for the past few blogs and nothing much about my life. The thing is, i can't think of anything much in my life now that i wanna remember fondly. - Now.. theres just issues, and issues to settle.. beyond whats in front of my face, i can't seem to be able to take into consideration. Ok that sounds like emo talk now. - So, Year 1 life ended. and i have absolutely no clue how bad the exams results are going to be. But then again, i've tried.. So. a new batch of archery juniors are here, and thus repeats the hussle and bustles of the teaching of the new year ones.. - Been listless for the day.. so i guess i'll just end here.. another emo blog huh.. Saturday, May 03, 2008, 6:53:00 PM
Who we grow up to be
Looking at things, from the future, or from the present - Its always interesting when you look back at something you have done in the past, with todays feelings.. - You'd feel. or should i say see. things in a different light.. - but at the end of the day, we should all just let it go, since the past is but a memory with a lasting effect though.. =] - We all did the things we did in the past, because we are who we are, and those actions we've done are part of who we are. I'd like to see it in the point of view that.. even if it was repeated a hundred times.. the outcome will still be the same because thats who we are.. =] - What matters at the end of the day.. is when we look in the mirror, can we say that we've honestly tried under the given circumstances, and have no qualms about it. - I guess not everybody will be able to do that now aight it? - But.. as a condolence to myself, i've felt i tried.. now i'm trying to live with it. Sunday, April 20, 2008, 7:28:00 PM
The endless cycle.
The Long long journey.. - Now and then in life, just like in any journey, people stop for a breather, to get a little perspective to see where they have come from, and where they have reached. In short, to gain a little perspective back into their lives. Sometimes they see themselves in strange and unfamiliar places, well, thats how all journeys are like. - People venture out from the past, into a new place, a new future, where they meet new friends, new aquaintances, learn new things, or do things they never imagined they would be doing. - Thats life for you. But the only difference in life as compared to a journey? - In journeys, you can always return home, where faces are familiar, where things are like they used to be. But in life, theres only one direction. - Forward. - You can't go back to the point of time where you still had your pedestal of innocence, where food were in abundance, where scars had not marred our trust in society, nor has our desire and greed devolve us into less beings. Where friends were but unyielding pillars of support, unlike of which masks of betrayal now hides. - In life, we but see the light and dark of life, and learn from each painful or joyous events what we want and want not to be. We are all but our own judges, we decide the paths we deem fit, Be it of what nature. but in the end, there is but one truth in the world. Good and Bad. - And so at the end of the journey, or at every stops in which we evaluate our lives, we ask ourselves, "Have i found joy in my life?", the answers determines our continued search for the inner peace and contentment for which our heart yearns. We then ask again. "Have i brought joy to others in my life?" Some would think, "Wouldn't it be better for those around us to answer the questions?". I beg to differ, For whom has the right to better judge us, then ourselves? The second question would therefore give us measure as to our truth in life. Have our lives held any meaning at all. - We start from nothing, we return to the nothingness from which we spawn, but the amount in which we contribute to others in life is immeasureable. - I mourn for those who look back in their youths and regret the mess they have made, for the forward journey continues.. but each of those regrets if understood may be gains instead of loss.. - Till the end of our days.. Sunday, March 16, 2008, 12:56:00 AM
Scintillating Rhetoric
Scintillating Rheteoric - And the the hussles and bussels of life breezes past as weeks gone by since my last post.. well.. nothing much to be noted.. Its just been an endless cycle of reports.. revision for subjects.. and screwing up tests and practicals.. haha.. all in a days work =] - A news paper article this morning highlighted the amount of students trying to get into both NUS and NTU placing, each offereing around 6k slots with around 30k ppl applying for it.. well it made me think for a while.. i guess my poly results was really not that bad hurh.. haha.. - Keep seeing alot of people who says that how much they wanna go to uni.. how much anticipation they have for it.. haha it just makes me smile for their a little simpleton thinking of uni life.... like i always say.. getting in is one thing, surviving is another.. surviving in nus is really no easy feat to say the least.. the constant rush for time and balacing between reports, assignments, tutorials and revisions of different subjects.. haha.. ohh the fun... - Well i figured that if i start working really hard starting from now.. i might be able to pull off an average grade for my exams this year.. cm1131 test was a pretty big upset given the fact that i studied really hard for it.. i guess.. its just the way that im treating studying.. my memory work and understanding skills seems like its getting from bad to worse.. haha.. - Well everyones getting on with their lives.. and i just wanna survive another sem.. - hmm.. havnt been out for quite some time already.. haha i wonder how some of the shops look like now in orchard.. havnt set foot there for quite some time too.. - I guess.. i should start acting my age.. well.. i'm the last liability in my family and my dad seems really unhappy with work and talked about resigning.. i guess if i was working he could be able to really do it.. and personally i still have no financial planning or goal in life.. so i guess i'm really quite what he's worried about.. ohh well.. mug harder for better tomorrow.. - Indifference doesn't equate to the fact that no emotions are felt.. - Living everyday like this.. well.. i don't know, i don't really feel anything.. maybe not feeling anything at all isn't a bad thing at all sometimes.. at least it makes time pass by faster than they usually do.. and i just wanna get on with my life till kingdom come.. - And so.. for a better future, we spend today and yesterday doing what seems best for tmr.. for it is not our part to think and ponder.. but to do and die.. |
thedeceptionist
Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt.![]() Woei Perng Age:24+ D.O.B:03/09/1985 Horoscope:Virgo School:NUS Chemistry Email:wongwp21@hotmail.com What is my proof of existence? When i'm 50 i hope that my daily revelations written in this place will help me in summarising what kind of life i have lead. I've done things i wasn't proud of, Things that i may never be able to forgive myself, but in doing so i've learnt lessons of patience and emotional control, discovering what i had become and how far i have deviated. Change is never too late. |
partnersincrime
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+ Yearly Post 2013 - The Year of Feeling Unfinished + The Year which was Suppose to be the End. 2012. + -August Rush--Its been 8 months since i've blogged... + An Account of the year 2010 + A case of closing. + I've never felt so weary of waiting and holding on... + -Another Milestone- + By My Side. + The Wanderer and the Searcher. + Just when i thought that being single was awesome,... wheni'mgone
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theventingmachine
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