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You Don't Know me, You Don't Even Care望著你 突然一阵心痛 一次又一次任那感情放纵 你的脆弱 让我走不开 你的依赖 所以我存在 | ||||||||
And so it is, Just like you said it would be
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Sunday, October 29, 2006, 8:33:00 PM
I've just stooped to a all point low havn't i..
I stooped to a time low havn't I.. - I became what I've hated most. A drunkard. I've thrown all the self-respect that I have left for myself. I threw away whats left of my credibility as sensible person. - Part of me died last friday. - "... pathetic ..." - I never want to get drunk again. - I'm lost for words as to what to type. I am who I am.. I am but a human.. - I am but who i am. Pass your judgement on me for who i am, who i was, and whom i ever will be. - It holds no difference. Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 8:25:00 PM
So draws near the end of year mood..
Ahh.. the pretentious world and its many point of views.. - Well.. for starters. The afternoon shower proves to be a rather pleasant one. although i had to walk through it home haha. But it has been long since i felt so cooling a weather. Gloomy and wet? nay i beg to differ.. well.. the gloomy atmosphere makes one feel more heartwarming knowing that he is in the shelter from the storm. Makes people grateful for small comforts such as knowing that he/she is dry and warm indoors.. I'm not making any sense am i? haha.. - I always loved rains.. It somehow just makes me appreciate things in life more.. Walking in the rain and just whistling and singing away to myself.. never really did figure out why i just love rainy weather.. hmm.. many i just like to see things from different point of views.. well i'd love to see the overcast sky no more than i'd love to see an clear blue sky.. but both brings about beauty from different points of view.. ahh.. different point of views is always the key to perceptions ain't it..? - Pride and principles.. well true that do hold value to what we stand and live for in life.. but often a times we are placed with situations in life that requires us to put these 2 on the line, would you hold on to them stubbornly? or should i say persistance? when what you hold dear in belief is questioned and it might probably be wrong? To me.. i see more cases of people of people holding on to what they thought they know more often then accepting the plain and simple truth that "hey, maybe what i'm doing is really not quite right." Then it'll all boil down simply to how broad is one's heart to accept and understand situations from different point of view, or to mold and if neccesary change their principles and values in life.. - Well it always isn't that easy isn't it.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. and yeap all people have a certain level of silly stubborness in them to not be willing to change.. Well i am too. perhaps change would bring about insecurity and uncertainty to each one of us as would any change.. and fear clouds judgement.. - Well in simple.. acceptance, understanding and forgiving usually makes the world a much better place then it is now.. - Well as for me? Holding out for someone i like.. Is it insistence not to fail? stubborness? or rather a more subtle gentle persistence to my feelings and trusting them for they have lead me thus far? well from all different point of views i see it from, its a little of each.. haha~ but in a world such as it is.. how you feel and your true self does matter cause it is your conscience that you bring to the grace, but more often it is what others see of you that matters when you are living is it not? haha.. well as again.. different point of views holds different comments.. :) - haha havn't written so bombastically in a while.. wonder what got into me today.. maybe its the weather.. :) well back to camp, duty officer this sat.. haiz.. ohh well.. =] Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 11:37:00 PM
Just feel like shit.
Melancholy - Have you ever just felt not in the mood.. just so tired of anything.. everything.. I just feel so not in the mood now.. Not in the mood for company which i have been longing for.. - The haze cleared up.. but the thick layer of clouds still block the blue hue of the sky from my view.. its been quite long since i've seen it.. - So this is the mood of not feeling like entertaining..? haha.. entertaining.. - I simply have no idea why am i feeling so listless and empty now.. basically just spent the whole day alone in my room.. resting.. - My friend just asked me "What makes you so special?" - "I never said i was.." - No one stepped on my toes or said anything to me to really irritate me.. why do i feel so irritatable.. feel like exploding.. haha.. feeling wound up.. guess its just the tempo of the day.. - I'll try not to unwound this friday haha.. just.. don't bring liquor.. hahah.. - Well monday would have been quite fun if i wasn't so sick.. Vivocity outing with arty guys.. Haha i'm quite impressed by the idea of a waddle pool at the top of the shopping centre, although doesn't really look very clean.. hahaha~ - Bleah. haha.. Monday, October 23, 2006, 1:22:00 AM
The past catching up..
False Pretenses and What Ifs.. ::now playing:: ::aria the animation - santa-claus no sora:: Well well what do you know.. local exercises are finally over.. No more outfield sweating and driving around.. whoop! whats more.. 5 days of rest~! well i could use the rest.. - I hate the ugly side of relationships. I hate people who end relationships without clearly explaning themselves to others, don't they know how much it'll hurt the other party. I hate how they just cut off the ones that they had loved out of their lives just like that, ignoring them totally and not sparing a thought for them. I hate seeing people i care about cry.. especially one that i loved.. not that i want to get back with her or anything.. - Its not always people wanted me to be there for them.. since she needed me.. as a friend i saw no reason to not be there for her.. All i wanted was her to be happy.. - I view embracing the past as a means of opening doors for the future, instead of forgetting, acceptance is a measure of your ability to learn from mistakes.. - Haha well.. spent 10 bucks on deathnote movie ticket which i didn't have the chance to watch.. but did something meaningful instead.. so i guess it isn't considered really wasted.. Need.. to.. save.. money.. for.. future.. - Haha i was just thinking about how am i going to survive in uni without having a stable income like what i have now. THUS the reason to save! i just cant seem to save over a certain amount zzz. - Trying to find a way to upload the pics from my hp to my pc.. haha.. wenhan took some nice pics but don't think i can show them in the blog.. army stuff.. haha.. bleah. - Just suddenly remembered about last wednesday morning.. Well i woke up around 4am to do my stuffs outfield, running around in my vehicle.. and yeap its the first time that i felt so cold and chilly in singapore, with a really really foggy mist and all! i mean, its almost like it was in genting highlands and im not over exaggerating.. haha wished i could show u guys it.. maybe nxt time.. ahh.. the air felt so cool and refreshing.. havn't had that in singapore with all the haze for a long time hurh? haha.. - Internal conflict is kinda eroding my passion for my work somehow.. squabbles here and there.. haiz.. mankind are more likely to be wiped out by war then anyother reasons i feel.. - Won't 2006 just go and get it over with.. i mean.. i can't remember the last time i heard really good news this year.. Wanna just close this chapter of the year and start a fresh one.. haha~ - My mind's been wondering very often these few days. Haha just happened a min ago before i snapped out of it with a "wth?" feeling hahaha. - I just bought 2 tickets for corrinne may's christmas concert on the 16th of decemeber.. ahh.. now thats something to look forward to.. - (: 2 tickets. haha.. :) Sunday, October 15, 2006, 8:41:00 PM
I'm too destined for great things.
Winds of Change Anybody feel the christmas and end of the year feeling coming up? haha i do~ although it still feels so forsakingly hot in singapore. =.= - damn kinda late to blog now. haha having my last local battlion ex. tmr. haveta return back camp to rest. Anyway.. short summary of the week. - Haha spent the last week outfield as usual, but things were exceptional boring and i wasn't in the mood to perform properly.. bleah. wasn't the only 1 who feels that way too though haha. - Went to Ikea today and bought alot of stuffs! eg. 8 simple glass frames for photos, a paper table lamp, 4 metal framed paper boxes. - Haha i just created my first official "Box of Memorable Things!" went to sort out all the misc stuffs here and there in my room to put into the box.. haha it was kinda fun stuffs like.. my first neoprints, movie tickets, musical tickets, very old pictures, haha ahh the old days, where car washes were 2$ and my grand-dad always went for those automated car washing at petrol stations cause i thought they were really fun [= - Haze is back, but at least it doesnt smell as bad as last week. - Haha suddenly my desire to go backpacking just came back to meeee~ when to go when to go.. where to go.. where to go.. who wants to go? lol needa save! the amt of money in ma bank has been stagnant for 2 months cause i spent too much =.= - Just like stoned in the afternoon and thought about things to come, and things that have happened this year. haha well 2006 ehh, so damn eventful year, 2 overseas training, 1 ocs commissioning, couple of ._____. stuffs and after all of it! i'm still me. =] always will be, ever will be. hehehehmpf. - so definitely in the mood for new year, haha its like my usual habit to review the year when its ending.. and yeap kinda starting now already.. - Haha i'm changing. i really am. - Was discussing with yazid over the contradiction of the phrase, Hope for the best, expect the worst. Cause.. if you have hopes, you wont be expecting bad things to happen? hmm haha ohh well. - yankai: YOU are like a fisherman, NO, you're like a WORM! on the end of a fishing rod! in a pond, WITH NO FISHES! and your're screaming out "come eat me eat me! and get caught." =.= lol thats was yankai's description of me on how i behave. hahahah! it was really really funny, but it did make sense, lol~ won't do it anymore liao la.... :P - Everything will turn out fine~ even if it doesn't, shit happens~ =] I'm changing along the way.. hoping to look forward to a better end of the year and christmas =] Sunday, October 08, 2006, 3:22:00 PM
Lemmings.. nothing but lemmings..
Lemmings.. Nothing but Lemmings.. - Ever heard of lemmings mentality? guess not.. haha cause i made it up.. to me what it means, is following a certain order, doing what you are told. Instead of making your own decisions, stepping out of line, etc etc.. - People these days are starting to have this kind of mentality.. the old.. the middle aged.. and the young.. Quoting a incident that made me feel this way.. - Last friday i went to tiong to grab a mocha and think before heading home.. And while leaving the mrt station.. there were crowds leaving the station lo.. and it happened that only 1 side of the glass door exit/entrance was open, and everybody was going through just one side of it.. thus resulting in a pretty long queue at the exit. I found it somewhat amusing as i observed the people passing through the door, kinda all sorts of people.. school kids.. poly kids.. jc kids.. aunties.. working class ppl.. - And not one of them tried to push open the unopened side of the door. The funny thing was that, some of them even tried to squeeze through that small exit.. - Its not really my type to walk on paths people set down. I do things based on my own judgement. - Sooo... as i walked pass, i pushed open the door. and Voila! people start exiting easier. - What i really felt not right is how most people in singapore are nowadays. Well for most part they aren't really bothered to do things, to help open doors for the next person, to say thanks and to just smile. Not only this incident but in many others i've encountered in recent times.. - If i smiled at anybody who glanced or looked at me nowadays, most of them would have thought that i was weird. lol =_=" - Week was.. long.. like any other, like every other.. but it proved to be pretty interesting.. - Went out on exercise again.. haha it started raining the minute i started moving out, resulted in my boots being flooded the nxt 3 days. zzz. not a very nice feeling. haha things went smoother than the last ex. Well at least i'm somewhat coping with work? haha.. - Weekend was.. solitary.. - Friday asked sze to accompany me for a mocha.. mocha did help abit. haha that evening suddenly came up with the idea of going down the the saga tree below my place to pick saga seeds. haha came back with 2 pockets full, that is, now including an hours plus gone and total drenched in sweat. woohoo! completed what i started last week.. - And sat, fwoah sat. haze was bad, didnt go for archery.. was trying really hard to find company to go vivocity with me.. tried finding from 10 till 12pm.. feeling sucks.. can't even get company.. SO! being the person that i am.. went there to explore alone. haha. .solitude. - But hey, when was the last time in singapore that you had the chance to explore a new shopping mall! guess the last time was the reopened marina square, well it was pretty fun. I mean, i think i found my new hang out spot. ITS SO COOL. the whole place is designed in a figure of 8 pattern so you could walk in a loop through all the shops, and theres quite a few interesting eateries (mostly jap) that has pretty good ambience to them. The waterfronts really nice too.. can almost rival to that of the esplanade.. haha i guess it'll be the new cool date spot for singapore.. fwahhh i just love my neighbourhood.. haha the whole place feels so flashy and stuff.. and when i went yest, i've seriously never seen so long a queue for a cinema before, almost a good 80m queue.. well i guess its a loophole for the design of the GV there, theres only 4 counters, don't think it'll be enough for time to come, i mean, even the cathay cinema has around. 8 counters? + another 3 on the 1st floor.. haha.. enjoy queing.. - Went on a retail theraphy there again! bought some nice stuffs for myself and others.. woohoo new shirt! - I still feel so helpless. did a rational probability down to earth check on what could happen if i continued doing what im doing. haha and the results are so damn extremely negative. - But. For all that I am, all that i ever was, and all that i ever will be. Just can't help waiting and hoping for the best.. But. Though not well, somewhat expecting the worst.. Sunday, October 01, 2006, 9:02:00 PM
Can screaming help..?
I guess everyone's busy with their own lives.. - Watched forbidden city the musical yesterday afternoon.. well.. it was a good story.. but haha they were saying that it isn't really historically correct.. but it was a good material anyway. - Busy week coming up. outfield ex. and stuff. hope i don't screw up like last time. - Feel so pathetic that i needed conselling from others. lol NO, EDMUND YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THEM. emotionally immatured. - But i'm really lucky to be in 21sa surrounded by pretty good peers. That is. until they start making fun of (-.^) |
thedeceptionist
Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt.![]() Woei Perng Age:24+ D.O.B:03/09/1985 Horoscope:Virgo School:NUS Chemistry Email:wongwp21@hotmail.com What is my proof of existence? When i'm 50 i hope that my daily revelations written in this place will help me in summarising what kind of life i have lead. I've done things i wasn't proud of, Things that i may never be able to forgive myself, but in doing so i've learnt lessons of patience and emotional control, discovering what i had become and how far i have deviated. Change is never too late. |
partnersincrime
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+ Yearly Post 2013 - The Year of Feeling Unfinished + The Year which was Suppose to be the End. 2012. + -August Rush--Its been 8 months since i've blogged... + An Account of the year 2010 + A case of closing. + I've never felt so weary of waiting and holding on... + -Another Milestone- + By My Side. + The Wanderer and the Searcher. + Just when i thought that being single was awesome,... wheni'mgone
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theventingmachine
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